Thats Right, I Said It....

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they're like
It's better than yours"

I am a healthy 24 year old woman with no self control. So I have sex.

I know, I know..."what?? You can do that! You're not married! You dont plan on getting married until you're at LEAST 32...you dont even want kids. You should be celibate for the rest of your life..."

I know, I know.

I'm not about to divulge my "number", but I have had enough experience to...have experience, but not enough to be considered a whore. No, I'm not in a committed relationship. But...folks have needs...

So...how do you find someone to fulfill those needs, without putting yourself at risk by sleeping around with random folks?

I'm glad you asked.

I find that maintaining a fuckbuddy relationship is key to keeping everything right with the world. Thing about me though... I tend to have really long fuckbuddy relationships. Currently, I've been having sex with the same guy since March of 2008. In college, I had sex with the same guy on and off all four years, in between my relationships. A friend of mine, who hasnt gotten any in a while, asked me how I do it. I told her that it wasnt for everybody. Because it certainly isnt. This led me to some more self reflection time. How is it that I am able to have sex with someone for so long, and be completely detached emotionally?

"I can see youre on it,
You want me to teach thee
Techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know, thieves get caught,
Watch if your smart"

I think a part of it is the fact that I am extremely picky. It's not only limited to physical features either. I can see a tall, physically attractive man, acknowledge that he is indeed very attractive, and have absolutely no urge to even touch him. It happens often. I am really big on vibes and senses. I wholeheartedly believe that saying that a woman will know if she wants to have sex with you within the first 10 seconds of meeting you. With me, its more like 3 seconds. There arent very many men that pass the three second test, attractive or not. It's all about vibes. So when I find a guy that I am really physically attracted to, I am interested.
Maybe it's like a pheromone, testosterone type thing. I dunno. But when I feel it, I feel it. My gut feelings are always true. The men that I have maintained a successful sex-only relationship with are great guys. Have I had other sexual partners in the past besides the 3 main fuckbuddies in my life? Yes. Boyfriends too. But these guys didnt give me relationship vibes. I didnt have the urge to "relationship" them...I just had the urge to--well, you get it.

And before you start thinking "arent they just using you for sex?"....what am I using them for? Dont get me started on double standards...

Anyway, I think it all starts with your attitude about sex. You cant be all uptight about it. I've mentioned in a previous blog that sex life does not equal love life. The types of people that equate sex with love will never, EVER have successful fuckbuddy relationships. They would get hurt, emotionally. And this relationship is not about emotions. I've bonded with my fuckbuddies. We talk about things, we know things about each other. And if it werent just a FB (not FaceBook, people) relationship, they would be great guys to date. The current one is tall, handsome, fluent in 4 languages, travels the world often...Do we spend time together outside of the things we do? NO! Because that would start to constitute a relationship. Thats not our goal here....

I've only let him sleep in my bed twice. Thats because I was too tired to kick him out.

I wouldnt even say it's like a "friends with benefits" relationship. Because that also gets HELLA complicated. FB relationships are about simplicity. You get together. You have sex. That's it. Any holding/kissing/cuddling is out of courtesy. We're completely comfortable with each other. We are there for each other is dire times of need. But we limit our contact to all things sex related, and an occasional "Hey, do you know a way to get cheap plane tickets?" type of text. Its well known that sex complicates things. except for when there's nothing to complicate.

It also helps that my FBs have been very loyal. Its almost always a very regular thing. We're single people that need some lovin' from time to time. No harm in that, right? The only expectations? Enjoyable sex with a clean person who will either leave afterward, or not snore, so you can fall asleep. And share the cover if it's cold....but I tend to be a cover stealer. It's easy, and you dont have to worry about all of the BS that goes with relationships.

BS includes telling everyone about it. With relationships, you have to introduce him to your friends, they have to approve....not with a fuckbuddy. FBs are exempt from approval ratings from friends. And they should NEVER meet your family....dont want to have to explain that to daddy....

FB relationships are best when only a select few people meet him. Very briefly. If you so choose. But of course, he's not your friend or boyfriend, so he shouldnt hang out with your friends. I'm not even facebook friends with my current guy. Of course, his is public, so I check it just to make sure he doesnt have a girlfriend or something. I'm not a homewrecker.

Plus, no one needs to know anything, because it's no one's business. I tend to be very private. I dont willingly disclose information. Some call it coy. Some call it annoying. I say it keeps my business mine and no one else's. Thats why (some people) think I'm so innocent...

"Oh, once you get involved,
Everyone will look this way-so,
You must maintain your charm,
Same time maintain your halo,
Just get the perfect blend,
Plus what you have within,
Then next his eyes are squint,
Then he's picked up your scent"

Now that I've explained how a successful FB relationship requires turning your emotions off, why is it so easy to press the off button for me? It is because I see sex for as pleasure and nothing else? Not necessarily. I've had plenty of emotion filled sex. "I love you" sex. "I hate you" sex...etc.


Am I turning off my emotions so I wont feel hurt and used my men who only want sex with me?
This is probably a good time to confess...3 of the four main FBs I've had have now professed their love for me...but--I'M not the one getting all emotional here. I have those in check. So no...I feel fine.

Could my ability to turn off my emotions stem from an uneasy childhood with an emotionally unstable alcoholic mother? Probably.

Who knew so many things in your childhood have such deep effects in your adulthood?

Precisely why I'm never having kids.

One question I havent answered though....

What am I doing that keeps these men coming back...for years?

"I can teach you,
But I have to charge..."

"Milkshake" - Kelis