"Tu es tout petit
Mon Meilleur ami
Je t'emmène avec moi
Partout où je suis
Je te parle comme à un homme doux et sensible
La seule chose qui m'agace c'est de changer les piles"
I often volunteer my time with a local organization called ChicagoCares. The cool thing about the organization is that there are dozens of things you can volunteer for each week and you can choose whatever interests you.
For a while, I was volunteering at Bingo night at one of the nursing homes around here. It was so much fun. But if I want to have a shot at Peace Corps, there are other things I have to focus on. So I chose to sign up for ESL Coaching. I had fun. A lot of fun. Basically, I helped the adult students practice English, just by sitting down and having a conversation with them.
I never realized how important a conversation could be. I was assigned to a classroom with 4 students who were slightly more advanced than the others...although their English was still quite broken. There were 3 other volunteers in the room, and we each did rounds to each student. I'm convinced that I learned more than the students. I went in expecting to just coach people with their English, but I ended up engaging in the most thoughtful conversations I've had in a while.
The media will have you believing that immigrants are only coming from Mexico, Cuba, and Puerto Rico. They completely ignore the floods of easternEuropean immigrants, immigrants from Asia, middle eastern people, and people from other parts of central and South America. Normally, I'm an open minded, intelligent individual. But for some reason, I fell victim to that ignorant belief when I saw that I would be going to Logan Square - a largely Mexican neighborhood. So when these men started telling me about Machu Picchu and drawing maps of where their hometowns are in relation to Belize, Brazil and Argentina...I was instantly interested. 3 out of the 4 men in my classroom were from Peru.
"J'aime beaucoup la vie
Pas du tout l'ennui
J'apprécie la galanterie, que tu m'offres au lit
Le plaisir infini partout où je suis
La seule chose qui m'agace c'est de changer les piles"
I spoke with a man named Walter who has lived here for 20 years.
20 years?
Yes. 20 years. And can barely speak English. He says he never gets to practice it. His family speaks Spanish at home. His co-workers speak Spanish at work. He lives in a neighborhood of the city where there are Spanish speaking businesses. Just like everyone else, he enjoyed and appreciated the chance to practice his English skills. What surprised me is how EAGER he was. As soon as I sat down with him, his eyes lit up, and we chatted away. This man was in his 50s, and was talking non-stop like some 4 year old.
You know how 4 year olds dont shut up, because they just grasped the language and they want to talk ALL OF THE TIME? Yeah, like that.
But he wasnt as annoying. I mean, he wasnt annoying at all.
Moving on...
I met this guy named John (Juan), who is from Lima, Peru, and used to teach finance at the University there. Now he fixes furniture for a living. I met Humberto, who is also from Peru, who used to live in Japan working for manufacturing companies, before he moved here to be with family.
Such interesting lives and such interesting people. I really enjoyed my time with them. I got a recipe for a Peruvian drink called Pisto Sour. It's kinda like a homemade whiskey sour, but not with whiskey. I had some great laughs too (Juan asked me if I was married. I told him no, I was single. He threw up the "Single Ladies" hand on me)
"A chaque fois que mon cerveau me demande
Je glisse la main dans mon sac automatique aux commandes
Je cherche un coin tranquille
et en passant je demande
Un nouveau jeu de piles pour ma télécommande"
I have no idea where I was going with this. But I do find it interesting that people have so much potential, are so intelligent and personable, and the only thing that separates them from reaching a higher status in society is language. Language barriers are more powerful than I first thought. Socially liberal people in this country are opposed to mandatory English language proficiency for immigrants (its discriminatory) , but I kind of agree with those "They need ta learn ta speak A'MERKIN" people. I think it would be way more beneficial for those coming to this country to be proficient in the language. It is an extremely difficult barrier to get over once you're here, and unless these people can master the language, they will never be able to flourish as American citizens. Others can continue to cast off these intelligent, highly capable people as "immigrants", and not see them as citizens.
But maybe....just maybe...that's the whole point.
I've been known to look into a conspiracy theory or two. But maybe "the man" doesnt want people to be required to learn the language, because they can then easily "take over." Society can't function if everyone is educated. If everyone is educated, then who will do the "lower class" jobs...we'll all be too smart. Society functions when there are classes of people, distinct lines and dichotomies between intelligence levels, social status, classes, etc. If everyone gets an education and has the same opportunities, who will work for the privileged? Gotta weed out people somehow...It's all a part of the plan.
This just turned into a completely different post.
"Mes copines t'apprécient
Mes copains . Aussi
Tu es le bienvenue
Dans chaque surprise party" "Mon Meilleur Ami"-Yelle
**I chose this song because I've spent the past year and a half singing it all of the time. I love this song. It's cutesy electro-pop. I know maybe 3 words of French, but I can sing this song backwards and forward. Last week, I learned that it was a song about a vibrator.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Are we American, or What?
"And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me."
The morning of the Ft. Hood hood shooting, I was, ironically, reading an article about the falling quality of people accepted into the military.
Before you get all patriotic on me, I fully support the troops. I don't have the balls to join the military. That automatically makes them better than me, because these people chose to risk their lives for a country that makes BS decisions all of the time, and the reason why half of the troops out there are in the situations they are in now is because of someone's BS decision.
And before you start getting all patriotic on me again, I love America. I was born here, and I enjoy the perks of living here all of the time. Like saying whatever the hell i want to say in blogs. Or eating copious amounts of meat at a Brazilian Steakhouse. Or not knowing a damn thing about the Middle East except that it's sandy, and people dont have very many freedoms. And people are a little angry with us.
Thats right folks, I'm A'merkin.
And for shits and giggles....this is what a merkin really is:
A merkin (first use 1617)[1] is a pubic wig. The Oxford Companion to the Body dates the origin of the pubic wig to 1450. Women would shave their pubic hair and wear a merkin to combat pubic lice, and prostitutes would wear them to cover up signs of disease, such as syphilis.
They come in various colors and textures! And another tidbit, syphilis used to be called "The French Pox"
Except for during the Tuskegee Experiments...
Where was I going with this?
Oh right....so anyway, the article highlighted the fact that not only was the military being overrun with gangs, who are bringing their newfound knowledge of warfare back to the streets, but also by white supremacist organizations. The article pointed out the fact that the military has become so "desperate", for lack of a better term, for people that they are not screening applicants as much as usual, and are letting in mentally unstable, extremely violent, and, now, racist and hateful people in. I also read that some supremacist organizations are purposely sending some of their members to the military, in order to receive training for the upcoming race war.
Remind me not to be here when that breaks out.
Of course, you cant just read one article on the internet that mentions so many other interesting topics, so this article lead me to the Anti-Defamation League website, which lead me to the Council of Conservative Citizens website. And the cofcc.com website pissed me off. Why? Well...it's the most bigoted website I've ever seen, and it's hidden under the guise of a website representing the working/middle class American. It's like Glen Beck....but a lot of them. Every article is either trying to convince these readers that black men are especially violent, and are not only a threat to everyone, but are ESPECIALLY a threat to white women, or about illegal immigrants who are "taking over", or how white people are silenced, and are going to be a minority, or how the gays are "perverted", or Muslim people are going to blow everything up - all of them, or interracial people are a lost cause....it goes on and on and on. (although they did post a video about the swine flu vaccine being a bunch of crap, so I guess we agree on that.)
I am fully aware that America is nowhere near a post racial society. The election of President Barack Obama (who needs to man up, and tell these Conservatives to go fuck themselves....) has brought all of this racism back to the mainstream. But when your first Statement of Principle is "We believe the United States is a Christian country"....Really? Do you not know the history of this country?
Wait, that had nothing to do with race, that just pissed me off.
"And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA."
The second Principle...thats the one. Or is this the third? I dunno...anyway, it still made me upset.
"We believe the United States is a European country and that Americans are part of the European people. We believe that the United States derives from and is an integral part of European civilization and the European people and that the American people and government should remain European in their composition and character. We therefore oppose the massive immigration of non-European and non-Western peoples into the United States that threatens to transform our nation into a non-European majority in our lifetime. We believe that illegal immigration must be stopped, if necessary by military force and placing troops on our national borders; that illegal aliens must be returned to their own countries; and that legal immigration must be severely restricted or halted through appropriate changes in our laws and policies. We also oppose all efforts to mix the races of mankind, to promote non-white races over the European-American people through so-called “affirmative action” and similar measures, to destroy or denigrate the European-American heritage, including the heritage of the Southern people, and to force the integration of the races."
-www.cofcc.com Statement of Principles
do I really have to cite this correctly? No one really reads this. Anyway...there are prominent members of our government who are a part of this organization. This organization holds a lot of political power. the council of conservative citizens.
This is why people mistake all conservatives for being racist. Because the council of conservative citizens is a racist organization.
After reading this, I fell into that mood. You know...the one you fall into after you watch Mississippi Burning. Or Rosewood. That angry one. Walking down the street, I wondered if every white person I saw was secretly a racist, and was saying hateful things to me in their minds.
I could go on and on about race. More than likely, I will in the future. Because race relations are very interesting to me. I think I'll do a series on race. Starting with interracial dating. Then maybe on to something like the dichotomy between the acceptable black people, and the ones that you don't make eye contact with on the train. Then maybe a blog about people who cant help being bigoted, and how we can help them. Oooh...and maybe one about other races (Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, etc.) and why are they constantly left out of race discussions....unless we're sterotyping them. And how it just might suck to be a white person, since any move you make--you can be called a racist...(which is why you shouldnt make racist moves, friend)
Oh, and white people who are discriminated against by other white people. Maybe I'm not qualified to write that one, since I have no clue as to why this happens or what lines are drawn (like how white people dont understand the light skin/dark skin debate. Or oil sheen.)
This just turned into a brainstorming session.
Back to a point (maybe not "the point"...but a point nonetheless), I was reading about a man who joined a skinhead organization because he was bullied and tormented by Black and Latino kinds in school. He had two sons. He said he didnt mind if his sons had friends of other races, because they were young, but he made sure he told them that their friends aren't going to end up like them. Their friends are going to grow up to be gangbangers.
really...???
There was another man who said "I knew a guy who was a Black Panther. He said he's didnt have a problem with white people, he just didn't want his daughter bringing home a white man. We're both racists, but we agreed on that"
This is how people think. This is what people are teaching their children. Listen to Prussian Blue or visit the National Vanguard website.
I know this is America, and people are free to think however they want to, and live their lives the way they choose (unless you're a conservative...) but how do we stop the spread of hatred? Are we just going to be a hateful nation forever?
And why do people invest so much time into hate?
And why does a nation of immigrants spend so much time trying to prevent others from enjoying the very same freedoms that their forefathers did?
And why does the "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave" constantly limit the freedoms of it's people and deny basic human rights to "free people." who have commited no crimes and have done no wrong.
"I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away." - "Proud to be an American" Lee Greenwood
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me."
The morning of the Ft. Hood hood shooting, I was, ironically, reading an article about the falling quality of people accepted into the military.
Before you get all patriotic on me, I fully support the troops. I don't have the balls to join the military. That automatically makes them better than me, because these people chose to risk their lives for a country that makes BS decisions all of the time, and the reason why half of the troops out there are in the situations they are in now is because of someone's BS decision.
And before you start getting all patriotic on me again, I love America. I was born here, and I enjoy the perks of living here all of the time. Like saying whatever the hell i want to say in blogs. Or eating copious amounts of meat at a Brazilian Steakhouse. Or not knowing a damn thing about the Middle East except that it's sandy, and people dont have very many freedoms. And people are a little angry with us.
Thats right folks, I'm A'merkin.
And for shits and giggles....this is what a merkin really is:
A merkin (first use 1617)[1] is a pubic wig. The Oxford Companion to the Body dates the origin of the pubic wig to 1450. Women would shave their pubic hair and wear a merkin to combat pubic lice, and prostitutes would wear them to cover up signs of disease, such as syphilis.They come in various colors and textures! And another tidbit, syphilis used to be called "The French Pox"
Except for during the Tuskegee Experiments...
Where was I going with this?
Oh right....so anyway, the article highlighted the fact that not only was the military being overrun with gangs, who are bringing their newfound knowledge of warfare back to the streets, but also by white supremacist organizations. The article pointed out the fact that the military has become so "desperate", for lack of a better term, for people that they are not screening applicants as much as usual, and are letting in mentally unstable, extremely violent, and, now, racist and hateful people in. I also read that some supremacist organizations are purposely sending some of their members to the military, in order to receive training for the upcoming race war.
Remind me not to be here when that breaks out.
Of course, you cant just read one article on the internet that mentions so many other interesting topics, so this article lead me to the Anti-Defamation League website, which lead me to the Council of Conservative Citizens website. And the cofcc.com website pissed me off. Why? Well...it's the most bigoted website I've ever seen, and it's hidden under the guise of a website representing the working/middle class American. It's like Glen Beck....but a lot of them. Every article is either trying to convince these readers that black men are especially violent, and are not only a threat to everyone, but are ESPECIALLY a threat to white women, or about illegal immigrants who are "taking over", or how white people are silenced, and are going to be a minority, or how the gays are "perverted", or Muslim people are going to blow everything up - all of them, or interracial people are a lost cause....it goes on and on and on. (although they did post a video about the swine flu vaccine being a bunch of crap, so I guess we agree on that.)
I am fully aware that America is nowhere near a post racial society. The election of President Barack Obama (who needs to man up, and tell these Conservatives to go fuck themselves....) has brought all of this racism back to the mainstream. But when your first Statement of Principle is "We believe the United States is a Christian country"....Really? Do you not know the history of this country?
Wait, that had nothing to do with race, that just pissed me off.
"And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA."
The second Principle...thats the one. Or is this the third? I dunno...anyway, it still made me upset.
"We believe the United States is a European country and that Americans are part of the European people. We believe that the United States derives from and is an integral part of European civilization and the European people and that the American people and government should remain European in their composition and character. We therefore oppose the massive immigration of non-European and non-Western peoples into the United States that threatens to transform our nation into a non-European majority in our lifetime. We believe that illegal immigration must be stopped, if necessary by military force and placing troops on our national borders; that illegal aliens must be returned to their own countries; and that legal immigration must be severely restricted or halted through appropriate changes in our laws and policies. We also oppose all efforts to mix the races of mankind, to promote non-white races over the European-American people through so-called “affirmative action” and similar measures, to destroy or denigrate the European-American heritage, including the heritage of the Southern people, and to force the integration of the races."
-www.cofcc.com Statement of Principles
do I really have to cite this correctly? No one really reads this. Anyway...there are prominent members of our government who are a part of this organization. This organization holds a lot of political power. the council of conservative citizens.
This is why people mistake all conservatives for being racist. Because the council of conservative citizens is a racist organization.
After reading this, I fell into that mood. You know...the one you fall into after you watch Mississippi Burning. Or Rosewood. That angry one. Walking down the street, I wondered if every white person I saw was secretly a racist, and was saying hateful things to me in their minds.
I could go on and on about race. More than likely, I will in the future. Because race relations are very interesting to me. I think I'll do a series on race. Starting with interracial dating. Then maybe on to something like the dichotomy between the acceptable black people, and the ones that you don't make eye contact with on the train. Then maybe a blog about people who cant help being bigoted, and how we can help them. Oooh...and maybe one about other races (Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, etc.) and why are they constantly left out of race discussions....unless we're sterotyping them. And how it just might suck to be a white person, since any move you make--you can be called a racist...(which is why you shouldnt make racist moves, friend)
Oh, and white people who are discriminated against by other white people. Maybe I'm not qualified to write that one, since I have no clue as to why this happens or what lines are drawn (like how white people dont understand the light skin/dark skin debate. Or oil sheen.)
This just turned into a brainstorming session.
Back to a point (maybe not "the point"...but a point nonetheless), I was reading about a man who joined a skinhead organization because he was bullied and tormented by Black and Latino kinds in school. He had two sons. He said he didnt mind if his sons had friends of other races, because they were young, but he made sure he told them that their friends aren't going to end up like them. Their friends are going to grow up to be gangbangers.
really...???
There was another man who said "I knew a guy who was a Black Panther. He said he's didnt have a problem with white people, he just didn't want his daughter bringing home a white man. We're both racists, but we agreed on that"
This is how people think. This is what people are teaching their children. Listen to Prussian Blue or visit the National Vanguard website.
I know this is America, and people are free to think however they want to, and live their lives the way they choose (unless you're a conservative...) but how do we stop the spread of hatred? Are we just going to be a hateful nation forever?
And why do people invest so much time into hate?
And why does a nation of immigrants spend so much time trying to prevent others from enjoying the very same freedoms that their forefathers did?
And why does the "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave" constantly limit the freedoms of it's people and deny basic human rights to "free people." who have commited no crimes and have done no wrong.
"I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away." - "Proud to be an American" Lee Greenwood
Monday, November 2, 2009
Thats Right, I Said It....
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they're like
It's better than yours"
I am a healthy 24 year old woman with no self control. So I have sex.
I know, I know..."what?? You can do that! You're not married! You dont plan on getting married until you're at LEAST 32...you dont even want kids. You should be celibate for the rest of your life..."
I know, I know.
I'm not about to divulge my "number", but I have had enough experience to...have experience, but not enough to be considered a whore. No, I'm not in a committed relationship. But...folks have needs...
So...how do you find someone to fulfill those needs, without putting yourself at risk by sleeping around with random folks?
I'm glad you asked.
I find that maintaining a fuckbuddy relationship is key to keeping everything right with the world. Thing about me though... I tend to have really long fuckbuddy relationships. Currently, I've been having sex with the same guy since March of 2008. In college, I had sex with the same guy on and off all four years, in between my relationships. A friend of mine, who hasnt gotten any in a while, asked me how I do it. I told her that it wasnt for everybody. Because it certainly isnt. This led me to some more self reflection time. How is it that I am able to have sex with someone for so long, and be completely detached emotionally?
"I can see youre on it,
You want me to teach thee
Techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know, thieves get caught,
Watch if your smart"
I think a part of it is the fact that I am extremely picky. It's not only limited to physical features either. I can see a tall, physically attractive man, acknowledge that he is indeed very attractive, and have absolutely no urge to even touch him. It happens often. I am really big on vibes and senses. I wholeheartedly believe that saying that a woman will know if she wants to have sex with you within the first 10 seconds of meeting you. With me, its more like 3 seconds. There arent very many men that pass the three second test, attractive or not. It's all about vibes. So when I find a guy that I am really physically attracted to, I am interested.
Maybe it's like a pheromone, testosterone type thing. I dunno. But when I feel it, I feel it. My gut feelings are always true. The men that I have maintained a successful sex-only relationship with are great guys. Have I had other sexual partners in the past besides the 3 main fuckbuddies in my life? Yes. Boyfriends too. But these guys didnt give me relationship vibes. I didnt have the urge to "relationship" them...I just had the urge to--well, you get it.
And before you start thinking "arent they just using you for sex?"....what am I using them for? Dont get me started on double standards...
Anyway, I think it all starts with your attitude about sex. You cant be all uptight about it. I've mentioned in a previous blog that sex life does not equal love life. The types of people that equate sex with love will never, EVER have successful fuckbuddy relationships. They would get hurt, emotionally. And this relationship is not about emotions. I've bonded with my fuckbuddies. We talk about things, we know things about each other. And if it werent just a FB (not FaceBook, people) relationship, they would be great guys to date. The current one is tall, handsome, fluent in 4 languages, travels the world often...Do we spend time together outside of the things we do? NO! Because that would start to constitute a relationship. Thats not our goal here....
I've only let him sleep in my bed twice. Thats because I was too tired to kick him out.
I wouldnt even say it's like a "friends with benefits" relationship. Because that also gets HELLA complicated. FB relationships are about simplicity. You get together. You have sex. That's it. Any holding/kissing/cuddling is out of courtesy. We're completely comfortable with each other. We are there for each other is dire times of need. But we limit our contact to all things sex related, and an occasional "Hey, do you know a way to get cheap plane tickets?" type of text. Its well known that sex complicates things. except for when there's nothing to complicate.
It also helps that my FBs have been very loyal. Its almost always a very regular thing. We're single people that need some lovin' from time to time. No harm in that, right? The only expectations? Enjoyable sex with a clean person who will either leave afterward, or not snore, so you can fall asleep. And share the cover if it's cold....but I tend to be a cover stealer. It's easy, and you dont have to worry about all of the BS that goes with relationships.
BS includes telling everyone about it. With relationships, you have to introduce him to your friends, they have to approve....not with a fuckbuddy. FBs are exempt from approval ratings from friends. And they should NEVER meet your family....dont want to have to explain that to daddy....
FB relationships are best when only a select few people meet him. Very briefly. If you so choose. But of course, he's not your friend or boyfriend, so he shouldnt hang out with your friends. I'm not even facebook friends with my current guy. Of course, his is public, so I check it just to make sure he doesnt have a girlfriend or something. I'm not a homewrecker.
Plus, no one needs to know anything, because it's no one's business. I tend to be very private. I dont willingly disclose information. Some call it coy. Some call it annoying. I say it keeps my business mine and no one else's. Thats why (some people) think I'm so innocent...
"Oh, once you get involved,
Everyone will look this way-so,
You must maintain your charm,
Same time maintain your halo,
Just get the perfect blend,
Plus what you have within,
Then next his eyes are squint,
Then he's picked up your scent"
Now that I've explained how a successful FB relationship requires turning your emotions off, why is it so easy to press the off button for me? It is because I see sex for as pleasure and nothing else? Not necessarily. I've had plenty of emotion filled sex. "I love you" sex. "I hate you" sex...etc.
Am I turning off my emotions so I wont feel hurt and used my men who only want sex with me?
This is probably a good time to confess...3 of the four main FBs I've had have now professed their love for me...but--I'M not the one getting all emotional here. I have those in check. So no...I feel fine.
Could my ability to turn off my emotions stem from an uneasy childhood with an emotionally unstable alcoholic mother? Probably.
Who knew so many things in your childhood have such deep effects in your adulthood?
Precisely why I'm never having kids.
One question I havent answered though....
What am I doing that keeps these men coming back...for years?
"I can teach you,
But I have to charge..."
"Milkshake" - Kelis
And they're like
It's better than yours"
I am a healthy 24 year old woman with no self control. So I have sex.
I know, I know..."what?? You can do that! You're not married! You dont plan on getting married until you're at LEAST 32...you dont even want kids. You should be celibate for the rest of your life..."
I know, I know.
I'm not about to divulge my "number", but I have had enough experience to...have experience, but not enough to be considered a whore. No, I'm not in a committed relationship. But...folks have needs...
So...how do you find someone to fulfill those needs, without putting yourself at risk by sleeping around with random folks?
I'm glad you asked.
I find that maintaining a fuckbuddy relationship is key to keeping everything right with the world. Thing about me though... I tend to have really long fuckbuddy relationships. Currently, I've been having sex with the same guy since March of 2008. In college, I had sex with the same guy on and off all four years, in between my relationships. A friend of mine, who hasnt gotten any in a while, asked me how I do it. I told her that it wasnt for everybody. Because it certainly isnt. This led me to some more self reflection time. How is it that I am able to have sex with someone for so long, and be completely detached emotionally?
"I can see youre on it,
You want me to teach thee
Techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know, thieves get caught,
Watch if your smart"
I think a part of it is the fact that I am extremely picky. It's not only limited to physical features either. I can see a tall, physically attractive man, acknowledge that he is indeed very attractive, and have absolutely no urge to even touch him. It happens often. I am really big on vibes and senses. I wholeheartedly believe that saying that a woman will know if she wants to have sex with you within the first 10 seconds of meeting you. With me, its more like 3 seconds. There arent very many men that pass the three second test, attractive or not. It's all about vibes. So when I find a guy that I am really physically attracted to, I am interested.
Maybe it's like a pheromone, testosterone type thing. I dunno. But when I feel it, I feel it. My gut feelings are always true. The men that I have maintained a successful sex-only relationship with are great guys. Have I had other sexual partners in the past besides the 3 main fuckbuddies in my life? Yes. Boyfriends too. But these guys didnt give me relationship vibes. I didnt have the urge to "relationship" them...I just had the urge to--well, you get it.
And before you start thinking "arent they just using you for sex?"....what am I using them for? Dont get me started on double standards...
Anyway, I think it all starts with your attitude about sex. You cant be all uptight about it. I've mentioned in a previous blog that sex life does not equal love life. The types of people that equate sex with love will never, EVER have successful fuckbuddy relationships. They would get hurt, emotionally. And this relationship is not about emotions. I've bonded with my fuckbuddies. We talk about things, we know things about each other. And if it werent just a FB (not FaceBook, people) relationship, they would be great guys to date. The current one is tall, handsome, fluent in 4 languages, travels the world often...Do we spend time together outside of the things we do? NO! Because that would start to constitute a relationship. Thats not our goal here....
I've only let him sleep in my bed twice. Thats because I was too tired to kick him out.
I wouldnt even say it's like a "friends with benefits" relationship. Because that also gets HELLA complicated. FB relationships are about simplicity. You get together. You have sex. That's it. Any holding/kissing/cuddling is out of courtesy. We're completely comfortable with each other. We are there for each other is dire times of need. But we limit our contact to all things sex related, and an occasional "Hey, do you know a way to get cheap plane tickets?" type of text. Its well known that sex complicates things. except for when there's nothing to complicate.
It also helps that my FBs have been very loyal. Its almost always a very regular thing. We're single people that need some lovin' from time to time. No harm in that, right? The only expectations? Enjoyable sex with a clean person who will either leave afterward, or not snore, so you can fall asleep. And share the cover if it's cold....but I tend to be a cover stealer. It's easy, and you dont have to worry about all of the BS that goes with relationships.
BS includes telling everyone about it. With relationships, you have to introduce him to your friends, they have to approve....not with a fuckbuddy. FBs are exempt from approval ratings from friends. And they should NEVER meet your family....dont want to have to explain that to daddy....
FB relationships are best when only a select few people meet him. Very briefly. If you so choose. But of course, he's not your friend or boyfriend, so he shouldnt hang out with your friends. I'm not even facebook friends with my current guy. Of course, his is public, so I check it just to make sure he doesnt have a girlfriend or something. I'm not a homewrecker.
Plus, no one needs to know anything, because it's no one's business. I tend to be very private. I dont willingly disclose information. Some call it coy. Some call it annoying. I say it keeps my business mine and no one else's. Thats why (some people) think I'm so innocent...
"Oh, once you get involved,
Everyone will look this way-so,
You must maintain your charm,
Same time maintain your halo,
Just get the perfect blend,
Plus what you have within,
Then next his eyes are squint,
Then he's picked up your scent"
Now that I've explained how a successful FB relationship requires turning your emotions off, why is it so easy to press the off button for me? It is because I see sex for as pleasure and nothing else? Not necessarily. I've had plenty of emotion filled sex. "I love you" sex. "I hate you" sex...etc.
Am I turning off my emotions so I wont feel hurt and used my men who only want sex with me?
This is probably a good time to confess...3 of the four main FBs I've had have now professed their love for me...but--I'M not the one getting all emotional here. I have those in check. So no...I feel fine.
Could my ability to turn off my emotions stem from an uneasy childhood with an emotionally unstable alcoholic mother? Probably.
Who knew so many things in your childhood have such deep effects in your adulthood?
Precisely why I'm never having kids.
One question I havent answered though....
What am I doing that keeps these men coming back...for years?
"I can teach you,
But I have to charge..."
"Milkshake" - Kelis
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