My first blog - Since the Crisis Started

"Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?"

There was a time, in college, when I had a Xanga blog. Things were different back then. I had a boyfriend, I was a freshman in college. Things were new, exciting, I was happy, I had a meal plan... I would write about my days, my little issues with my "relationship", friends, social life, etc.

Then, I grew out of it.

I stopped writing in my online diary. Said boyfriend and I broke up. My college life, social life, and growing responsibilities got to me. And I eventually deleted that Xanga page.

Would I go back to it? No. I dont even want to read it. I was a totally different person then. If I had known then what I know now...

"Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?"

Ugh. Life is hard. It's been especially hard since the crisis started. The Quarter Life Crisis. Things were great. Then I started doing things. Odd things. I wasn't satisfied with the way my life was going. So I moved from Nashville to Chicago. Got a job in a nightclub. I started studying for grad school, I applied to the Peace Corps...

Where am I now?

Halfway through a GMAT study guide.
Staring at a Peace Corps rejection letter
Sitting in the basement of a nightclub...typing away with "Office Manager" on my business card, like it's supposed to bring me some sort of validation.

Where do I go from here? Is there a future in the nightclub industry? Sure...it either involves partying until your liver falls out of your butt, or finding a way to beat the system and "move up"....but I'm pretty sure I've hit the bulletproof, super enforced glass ceiling.

As for business school...yes, it's in my future. Immediate future, I dont know. Do I really want to start school, just to get out into the corporate world, and find myself stuck working. I'm always working....

What do I really want to do? Travel. Explore. Expose myself to something new. New cultures, new languages, to the world. Make a difference, help others, meet people, make friends, connect, blah blah blah. I sound like every other 24 year old in this country.

Apparently thats what the Peace Corps thinks too, because they sure as hell told me I wasnt qualified.

Me?

The one who was 1st VP of her sorority, devoted herself to a lifetime of public service, will volunteer at the drop of a hat, who has more work ethic than anyone (scratch the fact that I'm writing this at work)...

So, slightly (...or a lot-ly) offended, and never taking no for an answer, I tore myself out of bed at 7am (oh, it hurt, so much) and marched myself down to the regional office, just for them to tell me that I sound like every other applicant out there, and I really need to set myself apart.

So...here lies my dilemma.

I have too many interests in life. I would be happy doing lots of things. Sociology, Sex Therapy, Music Business and Entertainment, Marketing, Family Planning and Health Outreach.... But right now, I have an interest in international business and foreign affairs. I would like to pursue an MBA in international business. I would like to join Peace Corps. I would like to say "fuck it all" and move to Amsterdam, like my best friend did. I would like to find some rich Parisian stockbroker and marry him. I would like to do a lot of things....but where do I start?

It doesnt help that I have a degree in Music Business (this Marketing minor might save me), and I'm currently working as an Office Manager (Director of Administration!) in a nightclub....

Peace Corps tells me I need to focus on areas where they really need people. Health Outreach (HIV/AIDS, family planning, etc.) I can do that. Planned Parenthood is one of the only orgs. that I donate to. Hell, I live right next door to one. Maybe I can volunteer there. I also need to up my Spanish game. Invest in Rosetta Stone, take a class or something. Totally willing. Option A.

Option B. - Extreme Grad School Preparation part 2. I already started this MBA preparation a while ago, until Peace Corps came and distracted me. Everything I do to prepare for Peace Corps will be extremely beneficial to my MBA application anyway. Especially with my mediocre (3.0) GPA and undergrad major.

Option C. - Chill the fuck out and see where this goes. I'm only 24. Granted, every other week, someone I know is getting married, or having a child, and I always thought that by the time I was 24, I'd be living the luxe life in some Manhattan high rise...but hey...how many people are automatically VIP when they step into some of the best nightclubs in the city?

Sometimes, I wish things like that really mattered to me.

I feel like my first mistake in life was not going to a school that had major name recognition. Like UofM. Or Howard. Or NYU. Or even responding to that letter I got from Harvard.

Yeah, they only sent me a letter because I was black and a female. So what? Did you get a letter from Harvard in high school?

Anyway, second mistake = not majoring in something I could actually use. Third mistake = not networking enough, 4th= not interning at reputable companies (and just interning at Sony/BMG which eventually closed their Detroit office anyway)...

"Now looking back at all we've planned
We let so many dreams
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long
Before we'll see
How sad the answers
To those questions can be"

So yes. I'm doing "ok". I have a job. One that give me a hell of a lot of freedom (who else can show up hungover with 2hrs of sleep, and it be perfectly ok?) One that pays pretty decent money. One that has indeed, taught me very valuable skills (yes, ones that are actually transferable to other careers). One that has introduced me to some amazing people, and even better friends. One that allows a healthy (?) balance of work and play...


I created this blog about an hour ago. Why? Do I want to discuss current affairs? Do I want to focus on fashion or relationships or advice or celebrity gossip or comedic social commentary? Or do I just want to rant about my life? Where am I going with this?

I've decided that this blog will follow my life. I dont know where I'm going with it. I dont know where I'm going with this blog. Once one starts to take direction, so will the other.

"Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?" Theme From Mahogany - Diana Ross